Nightmare, love

"Amri, I mimpi buruk malam tadi"

"What happened?"

"Well. Okay mcm ni cerita dia;

I attend a seminar. So ada our form 4 an 5 ex-schoolmates and also my form 6. I can't remember what seminar was all about. But after habis that seminar, I turun tangga. Nampak lagi satu hall. Hall ni ada ceramah for youth. So my friends ajak masuk dengar ceramah tu. But I refused to.

So I turned around. Nampak my primary ex-schoolmates, Nabihah Jasri. So I said Hai. And beside her was her Mom. I clearly can remember her mom's face and we had a conversation. Few minutes later,

You. And this girl- Smaller than me but same size with you. You were wearing white tshirt with jeans. She were wearing white tshirt, tudung hitam, skinny jeans in turquoise and sling bag in white for the skin and black lining.

You and that girl were walking in front of me. You were holding her hand ok. The worst part, you look at me. Like you wanted to tell me that you had a new girlfriend, you know. Something like that.

BAM! At that moment, I shed tears. I was like. Speechless. Froze"

"Laaaa asal you tak halang I?"

"I told you. I speechless. I couldn't do anything.

So you and that girl went out from that place. And then, Almira. Remember Almira Hazreen?"

"Oh yes"

"Yea. She asked me, Anis are you okay? I said, yes I'm okay. Never mind. So Almira went out from that place.

Btw that place we had to take off our shoes. So at the shoes rack, I was looking my shoes. At that moment my tears still running. I want Medina. But she wasn't there. Oh remember Medina? My form 6 ex-classmates?"

"Oh yes"

"Yea. Then she tap my shoulder. She looked at me. She asked, Why are you crying? Are you okay?

Straight away, I cried so hard. Like a baby. I told her, what was happened. Medina asked me to calm down and find you. But. The moment we stepped out from that place, I can't see anything but just a white bright lighting flash out.

And I terus bangun.

Damn. Sucks. I told you many times. Everytime I mimpi you, mesti mimpi buruk. Setiap kali u ada dlm mimpi i, makin i dekat dgn u, makin jauh. I couldn't reach you. Not even once"

"You la. Asyik imagine negative things about us. Memang la jadi mimpi buruk"

"Yes. I admit. I selalu imagine the worst thing ever about us. I dont know. Maybe in the future, if you tinggal kan i or whatever, maybe I'd be okay about that. Because I tak nak terlalu down and I akan cakap dkt diri I, Dah agak dah. Yea. Something like that"

"Haih. You ni. Nanti on our wedding, I akan nyanyi; I knew I loved you before I met you~
I think I dreamed you into life~ lagu ni kat you.  So that u rasa convinced dkt i and trust i"

"Okay Amri. Do whatever you want"

I feel

"You promised me. To hold my hand so tight just like on our wedding day when we encounter problems. You'd stay by my side"

Leo Buscaglia

Imagine

imagine getting married

after many months of planning

 you’re standing at the altar with your significant other 

in a beautiful room filled with all of your friends and your family

and every single person in that room over age 10 

knows you’re getting laid tonight

Tawakkul

“Tawakkul is having full faith that Allah will take care of you—even when things look impossible.”

 

-Yasmin Mogahed 

When I don't miss you.

What's wrong

A little closer

Empty.

You'll understand why

I wish I never met you

“Most days I wish I never met you because then I could sleep at night and I wouldn’t have to walk around with the knowledge there was someone like you out there.”

That girl

“I was told
The average girl begins to plan her wedding at the age of 7
She picks the colors and the cake first
By the age of 10 
She knows time,
And location
By 17
She’s already chosen a gown
2 bridesmaids
And a maid of honor
By 23 
She’s waiting for a man
Who wont break out in hives when he hears the word “commitment”
Someone who doesn’t smell like a Band-Aid drenched in lonely 
Someone who isn’t a temporary solution to the empty side of the bed
Someone
Who’ll hold her hand like it’s the only one they’ve ever seen
To be honest
I don’t know what kind of tux I’ll be wearing
I have no clue what want my wedding will look like
But I imagine
The women who pins my last to hers
Will butterfly down the aisle
Like a 5 foot promise
I imagine
Her smile
Will be so large that you’ll see it on google maps
And know exactly where our wedding is being held
The woman that I plan to marry
Will have champagne in her walk
And I will get drunk on her footsteps
When the pastor asks
If I take this woman to be my wife
I will say yes before he finishes the sentence
I’ll apologize later for being impolite
But I will also explain him
That our first kiss happened 6 years ago
And I’ve been practicing my “Yes”
For past 2, 165 days
When people ask me about my wedding
I never really know what to say
But when they ask me about my future wife
I always tell them
Her eyes are the only Christmas lights that deserve to be seen all year long
I say
She thinks too much
Misses her father
Loves to laugh
And she’s terrible at lying
Because her face never figured out how to do it correctly
I tell them
If my alarm clock sounded like her voice
My snooze button would collect dust 
I tell them
If she came in a bottle
I would drink her until my vision is blurry and my friends take away my keys
If she was a book
I would memorize her table of contents
I would read her cover-to-cover
Hoping to find typos
Just so we can both have a few things to work on
Because aren’t we all unfinished?
Don’t we all need a little editing?
Aren’t we all waiting to be proofread by someone?
Aren’t we all praying they will tell us that we make sense 
She don’t always make sense
But her imperfections are the things I love about her the most
I don’t know when I will be married
I don’t know where I will be married
But I do know this
Whenever I’m asked about my future wife
I always say
…She’s a lot like you.”

- Rudy Francisco

Someone.

Sorry.

Arabic Proverb

“.الجيات أحسن من الرايحات
What is coming is better than what is gone.”

Happy 2y 4m.

This photo was taken in Raya 2010. I set it as my profile picture on fb. I tag everyone; my friends that close to me and most of my classmates.

This is my caption for this photo. U have no idea how i want to become ceo of lambor. Really. Ask my friends those days when i was very really passionate to become one.  

Amri was my classmate. I knew him when i was in form 4. Where after pmr, ive been placed in 4 Lukisan Kejuruteraan. He was an ordinary guy. Normal guy. He sat beside Haris Rahimin. Ive seen him before we were classmates. Somewhere in the school. But it just, at first glance. Like kalau nampak pun, buat tak tahu. Cos he was a stranger to me. He used to date my close friend, Mira. Guess what, I even teman her to see him at the canteen. But then, i stood beside and do nothing and let them talked. That was in form 3. Sumpah time tu pandang dia sekali je. Then pandang tempat lain. Like i really feel nothing. **

Amri get mad HAHAHAHAHA bcs i didn't tag him on my photo. I was like, eeee sibuk je. At that moment i didnt noticed anything or even feel fishy.

I replied this. Yes. It may rude. HAHAHA As i told u earlier. He was a stranger to me. A new friend to me. 

Due to my caption, Fyqa, my close friend comment this. 

Surprisingly, Amri said this. Swear to god. He was nothing to me. I treat him as my classmates. As a good friend to me. That heart shape was really a normal stuff. 

** No idea that one day he would be the one that I loved most until this second. Let me make it short, as we're being together, he always always support me. Even when I'm down, he lift me up. Give positive advice and always cheer me up. Whatever i do in my life, he support me. Even in small maters.  He support me especially in my ambition and my passion. 

* I asked him. Since when he like me? He said, long time ago. When we were in form 4 where i treat him like nothing like i said before. I asked, why u didnt tell me earlier? He said, never mind. I can wait for you, Anis. 

Yes. He waited for me. Around one year. He said he dont want to be rushed. Let it go smoothly.

He creeps me out. He even said, he always looking at me in the class and observe me what i did. He see me laugh and stuff. 

As time pass by, a sudden feeling to recall since when Amri like me? I want to know. Where was the starting point? I recall back those memories with scroll down all the photos on my fb. Yes. I saw this photo. (As u seen at the top). I read those comments.......

I asked him recently. Amri. Remember this photo? When u get mad bcs i didnt tag ur name in that photo? He laughed. I even showed him the comment about 'his support' to me. He blurrr. I asked why. He said he really couldn't remember. so maybe ikhlas? Maybe. haha

Yes. That was the very first comment from Amri. Now I found where was the starting point....

Now, it make sense. 

You (Part 12)

Most probably this is the best thing ive ever heard from him

Pn. Heng

Dream is Dream

Fact is Fact

-Pn. Heng, 15 Julai 2013.

Indeed

Why do people always say "If we're meant to be, we're meant to be". Don't they know that without effort, destiny won't work.

EXACTLY

"How many people know you? I mean really know you. Beyond your favorite color, favorite book, or favorite song. Who knows what lurks in the depths of your mind, what captivates your soul, and why? Who knows your passions? Your fears? Your desires? Who knows all these things about you and accepts you anyway?"

When i get to know people deeper, get closer, get too attached to them. End up, at some point, I'm the one who is always get hurt. This is why when Mama asked me who is my best friend i went speechless. Clueless. None of them pop out in my mind. But, somehow best friend from opposite gender makes me more comfortable. Like they ... Like something .....

 Thanks, Amri.
(The one who knows everything about me and my dark side)